He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
