You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
