You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
