i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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