we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
