It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
