its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
