his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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