i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
How external is "for external use only"?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
