my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
