Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
