Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
