My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
