I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
