Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
