CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
