Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
