bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
