also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
