Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
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we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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