Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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