am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Randomize
