i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
honey bunches of taint.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
