sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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