Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
