I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
