I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
