She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
be right there i have to get my cape
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
