woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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