I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
