you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
