Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
