They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
