Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
