aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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