Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
