"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
it's like heaven, but drunker
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
