I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
