C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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