How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
