just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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