i just google imaged poop.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
