This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
