End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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