I've blown a few things in my day
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
