i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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