You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
