All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
