come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
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I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
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That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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