His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
