I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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