Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the right to judge tonight
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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