I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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