Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
