You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
