My nipple is on Facebook.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
