Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
