By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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