Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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