There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
