You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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